‘Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.’ – Nathaniel Branden Every parent wants to build self-esteem in children. They would love to watch them grow confident of their abilities and respect themselves for who they are. However, sometimes children seem to exhibit poor self-worth due to different reasons. This may be discouraging for parents, but it is important to understand that they play a critical role in building their children’s personalities. Children’s behavior starts being influenced from a young age, so you need to devise self-esteem strategies from the beginning. Read to know the different ways to build your children’s self-esteem and activities that would encourage positive personality development.
What Is Self-Esteem?
In simple terms, self-esteem is what we think of ourselves. Our sense of ourselves in the world emerges as a developmental process over time beginning with our earliest relationships. Children who have a positive sense of self and are more confident and hopeful in their interactions. Children whose sense of self is less positive may struggle with anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. Our sense of ourselves in the world has its roots in early development but changes and grows over time in relationships throughout our lives (1).
Building Self-Esteem In Children
Helping your child to work through difficult moments with you and other people in their lives is the most effective way to build a positive sense of self. Your child learns that when things go wrong, they have the ability to make things better. This in turn gives them a sense of effectiveness in the world. The process of repairing mistakes gives energy to your child and your relationship. It gives them a sense of resilience and hope. In contrast, avoiding conflict in an effort to make things smooth can create a sense of anxiety and fear of disruption. Self-esteem in children begins to develop very early, and the parent plays a critical role in building it (2) As parents are the most influential people in a young child’s life, what they say or do and how they make the child feel impacts their child’s development. Here are a few ways in which you can help your child develop a healthy sense of self (3) (4).
When children feel loved and accepted unconditionally, it helps them to develop a positive sense of self. When you speak kind words, our children will feel loved and good about themselves. A hug, kiss, or even a simple smile can be enough to let your child know you love them.
Focus on the child’s strengths and not on their flaws. Encourage them to use their talents. At the same time, help them identify things that are challenging for them and find ways to work on them.
Let your child understand that it is not only okay but important not to succeed sometimes. Teach your child to be comfortable with failure. Learning new skills can be empowering. Teaching the child new skills, even minor ones such as gardening, doing the dishes, creating a presentation, or changing a tire, can boost their sense of self-esteem.
Having the power to choose can help to build a positive sense of self. It helps to teach them to have a sense of responsibility for their decisions. Start small, with simple choices, before giving them responsibility for more significant life choices.
When you solve a problem, big or small, you experience a feeling of accomplishment. So the next time your child has a problem, give them space to try to solve it themselves. Doing so will boost their confidence and self-esteem.
Talk to your children about the importance of a healthy lifestyle and taking care of themselves. If your children show an interest in an activity, sport, or learning a new skill, if the activity is within reason and accessible, encourage them to try and experience it. For instance, if the child wants to learn martial arts, encourage them. But tell them that it needs practice and discipline, which might means waking up early, strength training, and hours of long hours of practice. Encouragement is good, but excessive nonspecific praise can do more harm than good. Overusing phrases such as “good job” or “awesome” to praise the child may backfire. Simply noticing your child’s activities and naming them specifically can do more to boost self-esteem than non-specific praise. For example, rather than comment on a child’s drawing with “great job” you might say, “I notice you used a lot of purple in your drawing.” Your interest and attention are more valuable than general praise, which in excess can feel meaningless.
Self-esteem Games And Activities For Kids
Here are a few games and activities that can build up a child’s self-confidence.
1. ‘I am’ activity
Is your child proud of their achievements or do they tend to be excessively self-critical? You can explore the question with this activity. You will need: Chart or drawing paper, cutouts of adjectives from magazines, glue, color pen or sketch pen How to:
2. List your wins in life
An effective way to boost the child’s self-esteem is to remind them of their successes. You will need: A sheet of paper, pen How to:
3. I am afraid but…
Fear is a typical feeling for children. Here is an activity for children to face their fears and talk about them. You will need: Paper and pen How to: The sentences should be something like this: I am afraid to enroll in the swim team because … I am afraid to talk to so and so because…
4. Mother-daughter self-esteem activity
Mother-daughter relationships tend to be powerful and also filled with fraught moments. This activity taps into the mother-daughter bond to work on the girl’s self-esteem. You will need: Poster or chart papers, sketch pens or color pens How to:
5. Chore with a purpose
A child’s self-esteem can get a quick boost when they know someone trusts them. What better way to show your child that you trust them than by giving them responsibility for a chore. How to:
6. Visualization
Our negative thoughts can be so overpowering sometimes that we cannot imagine something nice. If your child is going through such a phase, this activity can help. You will need: A calm or quiet place to relax. How to:
7. Changing self-talk
Negative self-talk is a sign of low self-confidence. It may help to point this language out and help your child not to speak negatively about themselves. This activity may help change the negative conversations with the self into positive ones. You will need: Pen and paper How to: You could help by giving the child an example in the beginning. You can share how you change your negative self-talk into a positive one and how that helps you.
Avoids a challenge or task without trying it or giving up too soon Cheats or lies to avert defeat Acts baby-like or becomes too bossy or inflexible Makes excuses and blames others or external forces. Socially withdrawn, seems disinterested in activities, and scores low academic grades Sad, angry, and frustrated or quiet most of the time Makes self-critical comments, such as “I cannot do anything right.” Finds it difficult to accept either praise or criticism and is over-sensitive about others’ opinions of them Susceptible to negative influences from friends or social media.
Bullying by other children Trauma such as physical or sexual abuse, disasters, severe health issues, or loss of a loved one Shaming or fear-based teaching techniques applied by parents or teachers or high-performance pressure Parents who disapprove of them most of the times Social media influence may develop self-doubt in children and make them think they are not as good as others (7)
