Having a caring and protective partner who makes sure you’re safe and your needs are fulfilled is a blessing. However, this attention may give way to controlling behavior, and you feel suffocated in the relationship. Being in a controlling relationship is a traumatic experience. Your partner is least concerned about your freedom and space, and you feel like a bird in a cage. A toxic relationship makes your life miserable, and you feel like losing your individuality. If you have a control-freak partner, and you are suffering in a toxic relationship, it is high time you confront your partner and speak out about your ordeal. If they continue with their behavior, you should prioritize your mental well-being and part ways with them. Here we discuss what a controlling relationship is, its signs, and how to deal with it.
What Is A Controlling Relationship?
A controlling relationship is one in which usually one partner is making the decisions, calling the shots, and basically, holding the strings to control their partner. In such relationships, the other partner will have no option but to abide by the rules set by the controlling partner. It usually begins with a “you are not taking me seriously” or “you are not allowed to do this… or that.” You begin to accept this behavior: either because you think it is normal for someone who loves you to control you, or because you think they are doing it all for your own good.
Signs Of A Controlling Relationship
The controlling partner will cross all the boundaries to get things done their way; sometimes they may not even know that their behavior is hurting their partner, and will be under the illusion that whatever they are doing is the best for their partner. To prevent things from going out of your control, watch out for these signs indicating that you are in a controlling relationship. A controlling partner is always:
Nagging you not to spend time with your friends Demeaning your best friend Filling your brain with negativity about your loved ones and friends Trying to turn you against anyone, other than them, that you look up to or rely upon.
They almost always wish that you eat, dress, walk, and even talk better. If you protest, they will say, “I love you and want you to be a better person. That’s why I want you to be this way or do what I say.” You might have fallen in love with your partner, and may think that you cannot live without them. But if they are using your love for them as a weakness to manipulate you, then it is time to take a step back and evaluate.
When Should You Put An End To Your Controlling Relationship?
Most controlling and manipulative relationships turn into physically or verbally abusive ones sooner or later. It is not at all selfish to have second thoughts on such a relationship. It may seem difficult to get out of it, but you may have to walk away and take control of your life when:
Your partner has turned abusive, and you feel that your relationship has become life-threatening.
They have absolutely no trust in you and always accuse you of having an affair with anyone and everyone you talk to.
You stop loving yourself and start believing all the bad things your partner says about you.
Your partner refuses to believe that they need help and do not cooperate with you.
You see that there is no future for you in your relationship because all your partner thinks is about themselves.
Your partner does not even think for a second before throwing you under the bus when things go wrong.
You feel emotionally drained, and are failing at all the other aspects of your life, including career and friendships.
You find that your partner is secretive, disrespectful, and takes decisions knowing they will adversely affect you.
Your partner does not seem to look at or consider your perspective.
If you can relate to most or all of these points, then gather all your self-esteem, evaluate what is best for you, and take steps towards it. You have only one life, and it is not worth sacrificing it for a person who uses you for their needs but doesn’t care about your well being.
What Should You Do If Your Partner Is Controlling?
Before putting an end to a controlling relationship, you can try and discuss your problems with your partner and let them know that their behavior is hurting you. Here are a few ways to do that and resist being controlled in a relationship.
Never give up on yourself, always make self-care a priority; every degrading word uttered by your controlling partner is only to break your confidence and gain control on you.
Stop crossing mountains for a person who cannot even cross a puddle for you. If your partner is making his love conditional, do not beg or do things to please them.
Stop pretending like everything is okay. If it were, you would not be reading this article or questioning your relationship.
Think about what you are good at and do more of that. Whether it is something in your profession or a hobby, pursue it. When you are good at something, you will become more confident and feel good about yourself. This will help you get out of the vicious circle of wanting your partner’s validation.
Stop making excuses for your partner’s abusive behavior. They have no right to shout at you or hit you just because you did not do what they want. Is walking out of the relationship the only solution? Not always. If your partner can understand that you feel trapped and is willing to change for you, then with some help, both of you can set some ground rules and start a new life together. But that may not always be the case.
How To End A Controlling Relationship?
Unfortunately, if your partner is not ready to listen to you and change their ways, then it is time to do what is in your best interests. Do not be under the impression that you cannot live without them. Even though it might hurt you a little now, things will get better eventually. Here are a few points to keep in mind before deciding to walk out.
Before thinking of ending the relationship, be sure that you are actually in a controlling relationship and that you have tried everything possible to repair it.
Introspect to know if this is what you want wholeheartedly because taking decisions based on emotions can make you regret.
After you have taken the decision, do not expect your partner to change and do not fall for the mixed signals they give you. Controlling partners can be manipulative and might try to reel you in by influencing you.
Do not react to any retaliation from your partner, as this may lead to humiliation and can leave you emotionally scarred.
End all contacts with them, and block them on social media and mobile. But first, initiate the process of separation, legally if you are married, and seek help from friends and family if needed. f necessary, have available phone number of domestic violence assistance.
Focus on the positives in your life, work to rebuild yourself, shift your focus on to work and career, and accept the past, but never let it define your future.
Usually, resistance to control is not taken well by the controlling partner. Resist too much, and it could put you in harm’s way, especially if the partner has violent tendencies. But wait. What if you are the controlling partner?
How To Not Be Controlling In A Relationship?
Have you realized that you are the controlling partner in the relationship? Well, congratulations then! You are already halfway through to change for the better. For the rest of the way, here are a few tips on how you can stop controlling and save your relationship.
Whereas a controlling partner would pretend to care for you but their real motive could be to satisfy their ego. Being with a controlling partner will create misery and despair in your life.
If your partner controls you because of personality disorders, they may overcome this attitude if they get proper medical treatment If your partner’s controlling habits are because of past trauma, they may get over their habit by releasing their past emotions and accepting the new life However, if your partner exercises control because they love controlling people, they may seldom want to change
