Watching a toddler refuse to follow orders and argue with adults can make parents self-doubt. But having a defiant toddler doesn’t always mean you are raising your toddler wrong. Instead, it is these changes in toddlerhood that you need to understand. Toddlerhood is when a child experiences the charm of autonomy for the first time. Simultaneously, they undergo many physical and socioemotional changes that they can’t even comprehend. It is due to a mix of these that often sparks defiance, which is mostly temporary. However, if your child shows signs of chronic defiance, the problem may be something else. Read on to learn why a toddler turns defiant, tips to manage it, and when defiance in toddlers is a concern.
Is Toddler Defiance A Phase?
Yes, defiance in toddlers is often momentary and occurs during a phase in early childhood. According to experts, defiance, resistance, and stubbornness in toddlers may mostly become prominent from the age of two years (1). Most toddlers start showing temper tantrums from the age of 18 months, but defiant behavior usually begins from 24 months or two years (2). A toddler is likely to grow out of the behavior by the time they are ready for school at the age of four years when they show better cooperation.
What Causes Defiance In Toddlers?
The display of defiance does not mean that there is something wrong with the toddler or your parenting skills. It is the little one’s way to exercise their newfound independence and test the world with cause and effect. Below are a few reasons why toddlers show defiant behavior (1).
1. Better self-understanding
The toddler understands that they are an individual, who may exert influence independently. However, they do not understand that they still have immature cognitive and physical skills. Therefore, any objection raised by a parent for any action is greeted with defiance or stubbornness.
2. Natural curiosity
A toddler is brimming with curiosity, and the world is their experiment subject. It is natural for them to test the limits of rules and the possible reactions it may elicit from immediate caregivers, such as parents. Defiance is their way of determining how far they may spread their wings before being grounded. Do note that a toddler does it naturally without any maleficent intentions.
3. Better physical and cognitive skills
A two-year-old attains freedom on all fronts, including physical movement. Your toddler can almost perform any physical movement, from tiptoeing to running on the field. Communication skills are also improved with the toddler now able to understand simple instructions and their purpose. Fewer restraints and better abilities increase the natural propensity to defy all limits and go on a path of their own, even if it is inappropriate. It is natural for the toddler to display defiance when parents intervene to correct the child’s choices.
When To Be Concerned About Toddlers’ Defiance?
Most cases of defiance in toddlers are not something to be concerned about. However, there could be instances when the defiant behavior could be concerning. Consult a pediatrician or pediatric psychologist if a defiant toddler displays the following red flags (3).
Frequent temper tantrums
Chronic disobedience often accompanied by aggression Constant refusal to follow instructions of an adult Always questioning rules, especially with aggression Performing deliberate acts to annoy an adult Breaking the rules or defying authority at daycare or other places Speaking rudely or harshly to adults or an authority holder Speaking of revenge or being vindictive
A chronic display of red flags may indicate underlying behavioral issues, such as oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). There is no single reason why a child might develop ODD. It may take several assessments by a pediatric behavioral specialist to accurately determine the presence of ODD in a toddler. Therefore, do not panic if your child shows any of the signs. In most cases, it is likely to be a temporary behavior and could be resolved through appropriate interventions.
How To Deal With A Defiant Toddler?
Parents can easily deal with most cases of defiant behavior at home. Below are some suggested measures that you may consider to reduce defiance in toddlers and make them more cooperative (4).
