A strong parent-child relationship requires a lot of effort and understanding. The relationship you develop with your children right from their infancy forms the basis of their social and emotional development. But it may not always be easy. With their growing age, changing moods, and different challenges, you may find it difficult to bond with them. In such situations, there are several factors that need to be considered. For example, you need to understand them and help them cope with their problems effectively without being domineering. This post will provide you the principles of the relationship between parents and children, including all the different ways and activities to help you bond with them.
Understanding Parent-child Relationship
A parent-child relationship (PCR) is one that nurtures the physical, emotional, and social development of the child. It’s a unique bond that every child and parent experience, enjoy and nurture. The relationship lays the foundation for the child’s personality, choices, and overall behavior. Studies suggest that a healthy parent-child relationship leads to positive outcomes for the children and the family (1). Keep reading to know about the importance of parent-child bonding.
Why Is A Positive Parent-child Relationship Important?
Loving parents create loving children. Your relationship with your children and how attached you are to them indicates how the child is going to be in the future. Here are a few positive outcomes of a healthy PCR.
Young children who grow with a secure and healthy attachment to their parents stand a better chance of developing happy and content relationships with others in their life.
A child who has a secure relationship with parent learns to regulate emotions under stress and in difficult situations.
Promotes the child’s mental, linguistic and emotional development.
Helps the child exhibit optimistic and confident social behaviors.
Healthy parent involvement and intervention in the child’s day-to-day life lay the foundation for better social and academic skills (2).
A secure attachment leads to a healthy social, emotional, cognitive, and motivational development (3). Children also gain strong problem-solving skills when they have a positive relationship with their parents.
The relationship between parents and children not only needs to be strong but also flexible because you can’t behave with a ten-year-old in the same way you behave with a three-year-old.
Parent-child Relationship At Various Stages
Parenting is a full-time job with perks and challenges that grow as the child grows. Here, we take a look at the PCR at various stages:
Infancy — building warmth and security
In the first six months, infants mostly cry, eat, sleep, pee, and poop. And in response, the parents hold, feed, burp, change and wash the baby. This way parents stay near to the baby while tending to them. When the baby is hungry, he gets cranky. When the parent feeds him, the baby’s needs are met and he is happy. The parent also feels happy for being able to satisfy the baby’s needs. When parents perform their primary function of nurturing, loving, and caring for the child, it creates a well-defined and unique parent-child relationship. By their first birthday, infants are likely to develop a secure attachment with the parents or the primary caregiver.
Toddlerhood — stepping into the society
When the child becomes a toddler, the focus is on shaping the child’s behavior by teaching, guiding, and nurturing him. Parents facilitate the socialization process subtly during the first two years and prepare the child to fit into a social group or the society at large.
Preschool — developing a parenting style
Different parenting styles emerge, with one style becoming prominent as the child attains the preschool age (5). However, you cannot use one particular style consistently across all situations; you need to use a combination of strategies to raise children. And the parent-child relationship can be best described by the current parenting style adopted by the parents. Research shows that children of (6) :
authoritative parents are confident, happy, and focused.
authoritarian parents are unhappy, less confident, and fearful (6).
permissive parents lack social skills, are irresponsible, and have poor emotional regulation.
neglectful parents have more behavioral and psychological problems than other youngsters (7).
School age — knowing about a world beyond home
When the child starts elementary school, there is a shift in his focus from parents to peers, but this does not change the dynamics of the PCR. With the child’s increasing cognitive and social skills, he goes beyond the home setting. This is the time when the communication becomes two-way. The child is in a position to tell the parent what he wants, and express his likes and dislikes. Your parenting style will decide if the communication will be two-way or a one-way. Parenting styles remain the same as the child grows and the style used in the preschool age continues to affect even in the middle-childhood age. Research studies indicate that in the case of (5):
Authoritative parenting, children grow up to be socially competent and have high self-esteem.
Authoritarian parenting, children have low self-esteem, low social skills, and are highly aggressive.
Permissive parenting, children become impulsive, aggressive, and irresponsible.
Adolescence — giving personal space to the kid
Teenage is a turbulent and vulnerable phase, which brings about physical and psychological changes in the child. Parents should acknowledge and understand their teen’s needs, support them, and give them the freedom they need without being overly controlling. Parenting with love and acceptance by adopting a positive approach even during challenging times can be an effective way to guide teenagers.
Adulthood — talking on equal terms
Adulthood is the time when stability starts setting in. The parent and the grown-up child are now able to relate to each other. Adult children are sometimes torn between their personal and aged parents. It can be quite stressful to balance between the two. However, most adults do maintain a healthy relationship with their parents. The requirements and priorities of one family are different from those of another. For instance, the bond you share with your child may not be the same as the one your friend shares with their child. This means that your type of parent-child bond is different from that of your friend. So, what is your type of bond?
Types Of Parent-child Relationships
The types of relationship might depend on your parenting style. A PCR can be broadly categorized into the following (9):
1. Secure relationship:
Children feel safe with their parents/caregivers and believe that they will be taken care of. A secure relationship is formed when the parents are consistently responsive to their children’s needs. Children who enjoy a secured relationship with their parents are more likely to be independent and self-confident later. They interact well socially and are better able to regulate their emotions.
2. Avoidant relationship:
Children feel insecure because parents are not responsive to their needs. They are forced to become independent and take care of themselves as children. An insecure parent-child attachment leads to developmental and adjustment problems, as well as behavioral issues such as biting, pushing and hitting. Kids who experience this relationship are more likely to have poor social skills (e.g., withdrawal or aggression), and tend to be disobedient and impulsive. However, this does not imply that they are destined to fail in life. Change can certainly occur as the child grows.
3. Ambivalent relationship:
The needs of the child are sometimes met and sometimes not. Parents respond but not consistently. For instance, the parent might not respond immediately to a child that is hungry or crying as they are busy with work. But they might respond after some time. These children grow up to be clingy and tend to be over-emotional.
4. Unorganized relationship:
In this relationship, parents neglect the children’s needs and the kids learn not to expect anything from their parents. In such cases, it is likely that one or both the parents suffer from psychological conditions. These children engage in meaningless activities and behave unusual. Some of them tend to speak fast and make it difficult for the other person to comprehend their speech or behavior. So, have you related to one of these types? And you might have realized which type is better than the others? In order to develop a better bond, you need to follow certain basic principles of parenting, which we discuss next.
Principles Of Parent-Child Relationship
There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ when it comes to parenting. However, the following principles lay the foundation for positive parenting: These principles can guide parents at a macro level. What about everyday interactions? How can you strengthen your bond with your child through everyday routines?
Activities That Help In Parent-Child Bonding
Forming a connection with your child is the crux of a healthy PCR. And when the connection is in place, your children tend to follow the rules voluntarily. One way to strengthen your bond with your children is to teach positive interactions into your daily routine. Here’s how you can do that: Hug your children when they wake up in the morning and before they sleep at night, and as many times you can during the day. Rub their shoulders, maintain eye contact, and pat their backs to show them you care. Older children might not like the physical touch or may feel embarrassed when you hug them in front of their peers. Don’t force it on them. Be subtle and make them understand that hugging to show affection and love is not a bad thing. When you introduce these activities in your daily routine, you will most certainly lay the foundation for a healthy relationship. Once a strong foundation is laid, you can work on strengthening the bond.
How To Strengthen Parent-child Relationship?
According to the American Psychological Association, a high-quality parent-child relationship is important for healthy development (13). To have a healthy PCR, parents must be responsive, trustworthy, and loving. Here are some tips for strengthening the relationship: The love and care that you offer to your child build a healthy and positive relationship. But, some behavioral problems can lead to a poor PCR.
Five Problems That Can Ruin Parent-child Relationship
The relation that you form with your children during the early years forms the foundation for their later years. If the early parent-child relationship is strained due to various problems, your child’s personality will be affected. Here are a few common parent-child relationship problems that you should avoid: Abuse during childhood could turn children into abusive adults who ill-treat their parents and children, creating a vicious cycle. Also, you need to give due respect to the child in the way you talk and behave with them.
